Isn't It Ironic?
by When In Doubt Smile
Summary: Tobias Eaton looks for the meaning of the word "ironic" for over a decade before he realizes that his life is the definition of "ironic". (Warning for non-graphic mentions of child abuse.)


**Disclaimer: Veronica Roth. Alanis Morissette. Some amazing photo editor. These are people to whom portions of this story belong. Not me.** **(By the way, the song used in the story below is "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette.)(And photo editor of the picture above, if you read this, that piece of art is amazing and if you want me to take it down or give you credit by name, just let me know.)**

* * *

Isn't It Ironic?

* * *

_Irony: incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result._

* * *

When Tobias was eight he looked up the word "irony" in a dictionary at school. He read the definition at least ten times before he gave up on understanding it. Normal children, or at least children who weren't Abnegation, would have gone up to the teacher and asked the meaning of the word, but it would have been selfish to take someone else's time to increase his own knowledge, so Tobias doesn't ask.

He never asks. Ever.

* * *

_An old man turned ninety-eight._

_He won the lottery and died the next day._

* * *

Just when Tobias feels like he is beginning to understand his mother, she leaves him. She leaves him sitting there waiting for a hug good night. He waits all night and all the next day. He waits for years and years. He waits for the one person who the thought could love him unconditionally, but she never comes back. Tobias goes to her funeral, though he feels positive that she isn't dead. He tells his father as much. The bruises that came after his declaration lasted for weeks. That night he cries for his mother because she was his symbol that things could get better. Just when Tobias learns what it is to have a mother's love, she leaves him.

* * *

_It's a black fly in your Chardonnay._

_It's a death row pardon two minutes too late._

_And isn't it ironic... don't you think?_

* * *

Tobias has just discovered that he has a way with computers when the computer class at school is cancelled. It would be self-indulgent to get a computer at home. He can't even complain about it, so he kicks his dresser and his father yells at him and that's the first time he ever ends up in the closet. By the sixth hour of sitting in the dark closet, Tobias wishes that he had never been any good with computers.

* * *

_It's like rain on your wedding day._

_It's a free ride when you've already paid._

_It's the good advice that you just didn't take._

* * *

He is planning to go and meet up with his first ever friend to deliver clothes to the factionless, when his father beats him so hard that he lays unconscious for the next four hours. His supposed friend never talks to him again. Tobias tries to explain to him, he really does, but it would be selfish to tell someone about his father, so the explanation that he tries to give his friend never quite makes it out of his mouth. Tobias sits on his bed that night and finds that he can't cry no matter how hard he tries. So instead of crying he looks up words for his homework in the dictionary. "Ironic" is the only word left undefined on his worksheet the next day.

* * *

_Who would've thought... it figures._

* * *

The first time Tobias thinks that he has fallen in love, he figures out just how selfish love can truly be. The girl is Candor and talks more in one day than Tobias has in his whole life, but she looks nice and has a pretty voice, so the 14-year-old justifies his fascination with the girl who can talk all the time and never gets beaten for it by saying that he loves her. But love is supposed to be a selfless thing. There is nothing selfless in the way that Tobias sits back as a group of Candor bullies beat the girl up for insulting them. He figures that if he had really loved her, he would have helped. But that doesn't change anything.

* * *

_Mr. Play-It-Safe was afraid to fly._

_He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye,_

_He waited his whole darn life to take that flight._

_And as the plane crashed down he thought_

_"Well isn't this nice...?"_

* * *

He's surrounded by people telling him how brave, how amazing he is because he only has four fears. During his bravest moment, Tobias realizes for the first time just how much of a coward he is. He has run away to the world of the brave. He is the brave coward. But instead of being brave and correcting the Dauntless, instead of explaining the horrible misunderstanding that is happening right before his very eyes, Tobias proves to be a coward once more and basks in the glory that comes with having only four fears. Tobias hopes that Four turns out to be braver than himself.

* * *

_And isn't it ironic... don't you think?_

* * *

He has just discovered what it feels like to have a family, to have someone who loves you like a father, when Amar dies. He never gets to say good-bye. Four can't cry, just like Tobias couldn't and it breaks his heart. The universe had given him everything he could ever ask for and in a moment of pure cruelty had ripped it away and left him laying on the ground begging for mercy. Four is almost 18 when he starts to think of the universe as a bigger version of Tobias's father.

* * *

_It's like rain on your wedding day._

_It's a free ride when you've already paid._

_It's the good advice that you just didn't take._

* * *

Just when Four has decided to leave Dauntless forever, to be free of the crushing weight of fake bravery, when _she _drops from the sky and steals his breath away. He looks into her face and sees the eyes of a person who is truly brave. He doesn't know it yet, but that will be the first time that Four feels true love. It will also be the last because beyond that first millisecond, that first meeting of eyes, Tobias's heart will be the one that feels love. In that moment, the universe as it is ceases to be. Instead of Tobias hiding inside Four, Tobias uses Four as a cover, as mask until he can be sure that this Tris will be a safe person to reveal his love to. In a brush of hands and destinies, Four becomes a tool instead of a person and Tobias breaths once again. The worry about the consequences that will come with staying with the Dauntless come later that night, after Tobias has stared to his ceiling for two hours remembering Tris's face.

* * *

_Who would've thought... it figures._

* * *

It is only when Tobias accepts that whatever he may feel for Tris Prior can never happen that she turns around and holds his hand. And it breaks his heart. That same day, Zeke comments on the irony of something and Tobias once more wonders at the meaning of the word.

* * *

_Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you,_

_When you think everything's okay and everything's going right._

* * *

Tobias has finally accepted that he will always strive to make those he loves proud of him and that there is nothing he can do about it when the Dauntless learn his real name while he is under the influence of truth serum. Tobias's heart breaks as he lets them all down, as he reveals his cowardice. It leaves him wishing he didn't have a heart or eyes so that he could not feel or see the disappointment and revulsion in the eyes of the people he had come to call family. It makes him bury his head in his hands that night and wish that he could cry.

* * *

_And life has a funny way of helping you out when_

_You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up_

_In your face._

* * *

He is standing in a room full of people, his faction is supporting him, voting for him to be one of their leaders, but Tobias has never felt lonelier. Tris stands next to him, but she's not smiling. She never smiles anymore. He hadn't noticed how much he loved her smile it was gone. Tris gives up a leadership position for him and he's glad that she won't have to deal with the burdens that he knows will come with being a Dauntless leader. When Tobias looks at his love's unsmiling face, he wishes he could give up all of the supportive Dauntless that surround him for one smile from her.

* * *

_A traffic jam when you're already late._

_A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break._

_It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife._

* * *

It is his proudest moment, and then he sees her. She is standing over the body of Jeanine Matthews and every drop of joy he feels leaves his body. The person that always brought out the best in him, that made him happy, that will certainly be the reason for him having premature gray hairs, the girl, the woman, who fills every inch of his heart, is the same person who lies and betrays him and leaves his heart on the floor broken beyond repair. She doesn't care. She never did because she never could. But still Tobias knows that if he could go back in time and choose a different path, he would still choose to be there after Beatrice jumped off the roof, that he would still be the first person to learn her new name, that he would still kiss her and love her. Even if doing so meant that he would give up all the happiness that he had ever known. Because a life with her, with all the heartbreak and horror, would still be better than an empty life without her.

* * *

_It's meeting the man of my dreams_

_And then meeting his beautiful wife._

_And isn't it ironic...don't you think?_

* * *

Tobias is standing next to Tris, fighting back tears as he apologizes for not believing her, when his girlfriend leans over, hugs him and whispers words of forgiveness in his ear. In the moment when he should be wallowing in guilt, Tobias's heart soars. It doesn't make any sense and Tobias almost feels guilty about it, but then Tris smiles and he knows that he will deal with the guilt later. But Tobias reminds himself that later is later and now is now and he kisses the smile that adorns Tris's face.

* * *

_A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think..._

* * *

When their world is crumbling around them, Tobias gets down on one knee and proposes. Tris's "yes" is buried under whistles and indignant comments about Tobias's timing. As the world falls apart, Tobias and Tris create a new one. Tris comments on his "ironic timing" later, but he's too busy kissing her to think to ask her what the word means.

* * *

_It's like rain on your wedding day._

_It's a free ride when you've already paid._

_It's the good advice that you just didn't take._

_Who would've thought... it figures._

* * *

By the time Tobias is standing in front of the barrel of Marcus Eaton's gun, his fiancée's body lying next to his feet, he understands it. Knowing that death will come any second, Tobias finally understands irony. He wonders what could have made a word whose definition he had looked up over a decade ago so important. Irony. It's only five letters. Tobias rarely even used the word. Yet in that one moment between life and death, Tobias finds himself clinging to that one word with all his heart. He thinks about his mother and wonders at how ironic it is that the person who taught him to embrace every aspect of every faction is the same person who possesses none of the virtues spoken of by the factions. Tobias stares into his father's eyes and ponders the irony that the man who gave him life in every way is the one that will kill him. He looks down at Tris's body and thinks about how ironic it is that the one person who could ever truly give him something worth living for is the one who ends up dying for him. Finally, in the split second between when the bullet leaves the gun's barrel and the moment when it will pierce his chest, Tobias looks down at his hands and smiles. Isn't it ironic that the man who never understood irony is the one whose whole life could be used as the definition for the word?

* * *

_Isn't it ironic?_

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**Author's Note: First Divergent story ever! I hope you liked the story. Thank you for giving me some of your time to read and review!**

** Smile at a someone today,**

** -When In Doubt, Smile**


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